21.09/4.09

absence |ˈabsəns|nounthe state of being away from a place or person : the letter had arrived during his absence |• an occasion or period of being away from a place or person : repeated absences from school.• ( absence of) the nonexistence or lack of : she found his total absence of facial expression disconcerting. See note at lack .
if absence makes the heart grow fonder, then why am i so scared of feeling empty ?missing my best friends is such a strange emotion, i don't really feel that you can define "missing' someone as readily as "absence of" or "lacking something/someone".

21.49/4.49

you and i should get more sleep. 

if you woke up tired, you probably need more sleep. if you woke up drooling at your desk, you probably need a new job. if you woke up with a headache, on a ferris wheel in idaho, wearing a toga, you probably need answers . or, if you woke up married to an elvis impersonator, then you probably need a lawyer . 

p.s

i do not understand , and i will never understand your broken ways 

i rewrote .

last night, i had a dream about a black clad priest, his knees trembling, his face adorned with the recollection of his past, cold sweat, and only an expression that required answers . his eyes wild, shouting for help, clutching his chest , staggering on legs that had forgotten how to walk.

"help. please, help me" pleading in a voice that was drowned out by his appearance.

i told him to pray and ask his "god" to save him, if he would save him. 

the priest fell to his knees, screaming like an abandoned child , mustering himself, he grabbed me by my feet, determined that it was me who would help him,  to save him.

stooping down,  i gave him a glass of water, salt water. he drank, greedy and desperate, water spilling down the sides of his mouth, clutching the glass pressed to his lips until it was empty . unfulfilled of his torment, he wasn't sick , he just continued to clutch his chest, convinced of his lament. 

i didn't understand why , until i realised, that as his face grew dark, and he knew he was alone , he only he could save himself . 

"save me, save me" he sang in a hoarse chorus , but like the world , he too , was hellbent on not being saved , ever . 

"save me, save me" he sang in a hoarse chorus , but like the world , he too , was hellbent on not being saved , 

17.49/10.49

america 

two time zones, one body, one mind, one coffee, 16 cigarettes, millions of thoughts, wish i had more things to keep me occupied .

15.54/8.54

second rate to another 

one girl with her heart on her sleeve is falling for the boy who's heart is on his for another lover's touch , and the circle continues with desperate hands, longing glances and an ambient state of melancholy . 

instead, we fill our time with emotionless lovers, to ease our aching hearts and fight to keep our thoughts at bay. 

but when do you manage to break the cycle ? true happiness is not found lying entwined, hollow eyes. love is irrational , cruel and overwhelming . 

lover, fighter , or high flyer , your feet must touch the ground .

22.09

no, i am not where i belong .

love , love of mine
won't you lay by my side
and rest your weary eyes
before we're out of time?

give me one last kiss ,for soon such distance
will stretch between our lips
now the day's losing light

18.52

the sun burnt when i held it in my hands 

but not as much as you 

2.12

the blood in my veins is turning against me

20.42

i am lost by myself .

my nose is running, my head hurts ,my limbs are aching,  im absent minded but i don't mind, and i miss someone, completely and dearly . 

i'm going to america on sunday! and even though 6am rolls around here and im still waiting for you, im not sure the idea of being separated by an ocean is particularly appealing . but the idea of being surrounded by every possible type of thing that is bad for you, excites me a lot . 

10.43

"your two eyes see, 

but they don't shine as bright as they used too." said the mother to the girl.

"All I know, is that with every boy I kiss, the venom in my mouth spits a little sweeter." replied the girl.

"Are you not lonely?" asked the mother.

"As lonely as some but the voice that guides my heart is interrupted by the voice that guides my feet."

"...You are like the tree that bears no leaves." 

"I am an empty shell that is constant in changing its ways, I serve no purpose, I just am."

1.39

im starting to feel, that maybe i should find God, before God finds me 

1.09

you are

the outstretched fingers finding their way about the cold air of a dark room, waiting for the hand of another to guide you, but if they find you, could they hide you?

would they hide you?

seeking solace in sugar bones and your dim reflection, distinct through better breeding, 

a vague sense of recollection, yet when you touch her skin, all thats left is the comforting taste of sin.

a moth to the flame of all that is measurably pleasurable, yet you are miserable, a ghost who feeds on what is expected normality. but if that hand found yours, would they guide you?

could they guide you?